i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
