i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
