just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We left the knife in your bed.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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