I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
