Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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