nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
