ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
3 2 1 whiskey
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
