i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
