my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
