when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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