i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
