Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
