In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
