normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
