Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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