I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
