I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
