you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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