how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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