when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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