I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
