I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
