Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This baby is an asshole
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
