You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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