Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
