I smell stomach acid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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