Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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