i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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