I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
