I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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