Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
why is half of my head shaved?
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