They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
