Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
