she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
