you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
