I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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