I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
