I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize