i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
