I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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