You made me cry and you don't even care
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
