fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
