operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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