so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
