I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
