the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
