that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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