He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
