both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She bit a glass in half.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
