I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
