To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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