what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
