I want to walk on stilts...naked
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
