i think my mom watched the whole time
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
