So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize