My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
