Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
