Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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