dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
