I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
