hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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