my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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