Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think your dad took our porno
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
