I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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