Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
