If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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