best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
