When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize