i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
