Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
