i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
