forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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