can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
