Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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