i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
