Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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