So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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